Through the Eyes of a Sorceress
by chickiidoo
Summary: A look into Raven's diary. How does she feel about the other Titans? Why is she always so moody? Rated R for language now, possibly other things later. R&R! :ended, for tis too boring:
1. July 17

A/N: This is my first story! Yay! Please, be kind- negative comments are okay, but please make them constructive. I'm not holding a gun to your head making you read this. I see this in everyone else's stories so: I do not own the Teen Titans. If I did, we would have already seen the ending of the season! :grr: And, Terra would already be dead- a long, slow, excruciating death!  
  
Chapter I: July 17  
  
Why am I so different? Why can't I be a normal teenager? We were sitting in the living room today. Cyborg and BB were playing some stupid video game. Robin and Star were sitting on the couch flirting. It's been different since they got together. Not a bad different or a good different. Just different. Robin's laid off Slade a bit, and Star isn't as... spacey.   
  
Anyways- as I was saying. Ah, yes- I was bitching about my life. While everyone is talking, I'm sitting and reading a book. I wish I could open up to them. Show them I like to have fun; that I can be fun. Because I really do. I'm not a prude or anything. I don't like being so emotionless, I just can't show my feelings. I'd hate to endanger them if I did laugh or cry.  
  
I feel so strange around the other Titans. I mean, we're all different. But at least they have things to talk about. I'm not about to go up to Beast Boy and talk about meditating. Just like he can't come up to me and talk about that stupid Game Cube thing. Because I'd blow his head off. It's not like I'd want to talk to that jerk, of course. I mean, really.   
  
Well, I guess some of BB's jokes are funny. Kind of. Then again, it's not like I'm going to laugh at them. Or tell him that I would if I could. I don't want to be too nice. But I really couldn't laugh. I'd end up blowing out a light bulb, or something. I almost broke the microwave when Star made that 'pudding of sadness.' That shit reeked.   
  
There hasn't been much crime lately, so everyone's been kind of- edgy. Especially Robin. When I said he laid off Slade, I meant he doesn't think about him 24/7. Possibly only 20/7, now, but hey- it's an improvement. But I swear to God, he'll never find the real Slade. Just more robots. Slade is probably some eighty-year-old pervert. Maybe if someone were to tell Robin his obsession is distracting him from crime-fighting, he would calm down. Or maybe Star needs to be more forceful. Wait- what am I thinking!? Star? Forceful? She couldn't force shit out of her ass. She is way too submissive, for lack of better words.  
  
Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be loved. I don't get love from... maybe I should stop there. I blew up another lightbulb. This is starting to get expensive. But anyways- Robin and Star have the perfect relationship. They love each other and spend time together. They express their feelings. I could never do that. Seriously. If I were to fucking smile I'd end up blowing a window out. What could happen if I kissed someone? I'd probably end up blowing their fucking head off.   
  
Not that I could ever actually get a boyfriend. I never go out. And even if I did, what guy in his right mind would go out with a girl who could kick his ass in two seconds? So that basically leaves Beast Boy and Cy. And I don't know if that's hilarious or pitiful. If BB and I went out, we'd end up killing each other in an hour. And I can't even picture myself with Cyborg. Sometimes I feel bad for Cy. How must it be to have only half of your actual body? Not to sleep, but to recharge? It would be hell for me. I'd rather die, I think.  
  
Wow...I'm scatterbrained tonight. I feel like Starfire. I tried reading her mind once, and got a headache. Seriously. It killed. I thought my head would split open. She has to be one of the strangest people I know. Er, strangest aliens I know. Then again, what other aliens do I know? But, she is my best friend. It's hard that there are only two female Titans. Then again, the last time we decided to have a sixth Titan join, the bitch broke BB's heart and double-crossed us. Not like I care about BB's heart, or anything. But he's my friend, no matter how obnoxious he is. But I was right about that evil back-stabber the moment I laid eyes on her. I'm not going to say I told you so, but I'd love to. Big, huge, flashing billboards: "I TOLD YOU SO!"   
  
I need to stop, before I blow up another lightbulb. I'm wasting way to much money on those damn things. I have to wake up early tomorrow morning to meditate, anyway. Do you know how hard it is to meditate with Cyborg and Beast Boy having a food fight and screaming their heads off? I can hear them all the way on the fucking roof, dammit! Shit, there goes another lightbulb...   
  
-Thanks for reading! Please review. If I get enough reviews, I'll publish another chappie! And, eventually, I might branch to other Titan's journals....but that is in the far and distant future.- 


	2. Author's Note

Hey everyone! I'm not going to continue working on this story. It's been too difficult to write, and boring. I'm working on another story, though. Maybe, after that one is done :it might be a long one: I'll start this again. Maybe. I'm not sure yet. So I'm putting all my attention into my current story, 'The Shadow Down the Hall', and make it good. Hopefully. I have to start going to bed earlier for school, and that's gonna cut my writing time down :no more sitting up at 2:30 to write: -- I will still write though. I hope. So, that's it for me! See ya all!

-s-


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